`Fyan Satay!

I've moved on to this address!

Do link me(:

I am OUT!

Well guese what, I left that "prison" just now. And I won't be coming back to face Aliens.
Haish, so not in the mood to do anything. Currently at Haqim's crib and I would be coming
To school today wuth Zul(:

Like finally, we gonna go school. But sadly, we will be without Haqim. tsk! And guese what,
Today school will end at 2.30PM! Haish, suay siaak! Something big happend yesterday,
fought with my alien father OTF. tsk! Haish, lazy to eleborate.

So yaa, won't be at either homes till further notice(: I'll be fine(: I think(:
Okay, till here I eleborate, till here I am out. Bye(:

Hey I am freaking stress and so fucked up right now!! Argh! I just don't know what to do!
Ya Allah! RSJ!? Please finish your school early! I want to meet you guys!
I just don't know what to do!? I know I am at fault right now!
Currently at Haqim's crib waiting for RSJ to picet!

Argh! Fucked! My pp8 low! CB!! Uhh! Haish, seriously I have the feeling it's not the right time for me to go home.
I don't know! I am in a confusion!! Argh! 9 tahun manerh!? Zul!! Wake up! I need you basket!!
Argh! What the hell! I need advises ASAP!! Uhh! Stress sia. I may look like normal state.
But deep down inside I am dying!! NabeyChitot!!

Where's my POSITIVE thinking? argh! Fucked! This is where I need you peps!
Tsk!! Kay diam!! Fuuuuuhh!! Fuuuuuuuh!! Okay, I am trying to calm myself.
As I think alot right now! Like seriously! Tsk!! Okay, M2CL right now!!!
CB!!CB!!CB!!CB!! Okay diam Fyan!! I am going crazry! Waiting for Din to arrive!

Eeeeeeee!! I wanna cry. Serious, I am trying to hid my tears from everyone.
My father cried OTF when he talked to me that he is very dissapointed in me.
Why! I know I am a BAD ASS son! But why am I so good to others and not to you guys!
Fine, I am SORRY for all the sins I did to you guys.

My papa said, all those lies I made to them comfirm aderh balasan nye.
I know its true. But I only lie that I don't smoke thats all!
Is smoking the problem right now!! CB!! Why!? argh!
Kay uhh, the truth will be uncovered. I am going to tell the truth to them then.
And about my Chest Pain. haish!!!! Kay done(:

Wanna change For The Better);

I know I am a UNgreatfull son to you Papa! I know! I know you are dissapointed in me!
I know! Iknow that I let down the family! I know that you gave me all these freedom to make me change as that freedom I wished for.

I know! I know I lied to you! I know! I lied to you that I don't smoke. But It's not true that I took drugs!
For freaking sake! I don't take those, I don't. Why you guys don't belive me! Why!!
If you don't believe on what I said here, do a urine test! Why you guys so speechless when I said that!

I know! I know that you guys care about my studies! I know! I know you guys pay all those overload school fees for my future!
I know! I know the future is not for you guys but for Mak!
I know that I don't care about my siblings and I care more about my friends!
I know! I know that whenever you guys gave me money, I would spent on ciggies!
That what you guys thought!

But sometimes, No! I would treat friends if I have extra money! I know I am a discrace to the family!
I let you guys and Mak down too!

What do you guys want from me actually? I know it's my fault that I've not been attending school!
I know! I know that I lied to you,
and said that I overslept at Haqim's crib! I know I lied!
I know! There's always a reason behind those lies I made!
Do you guys knew that I've never felt a single FREAKING happiness from you guys!
I know! Do you know, that the ones whom made me change for the better is not you guys!

It was RSJ! They were there for me! Yes! Always there! Don't you realise
anything? Bcoz u actually don't care! Why! Why must you guys be apart of my life!
Now! Now I just don't know what to do and who to talk to! Argh! Why must my life like this! What sin I did! What!
Why is it all happening to me!

Argh! It's my fault! Okay! My fault! I realised it all! Happy!?
Argh! Fine, I'll slack less than. Fine, I do what you say!
But don't regret I change infront of you guys!
Once I change there's no turning back! Like I say! No turning back!
I'll make your wishes come true then!

Freedom is what I want, pain and hate is all I have! Argh!
Im a discrace to the family! But yet my friends loves who I am right now!
If I change! Would my friends still accept me? Let's say I would be Fyan Setan again!
I know they would ignore me.

Fyan Satay is what they want and I would show my family that they should accept what I really am!
Maybe I'll change for you guys! Maybe! I'll go school! But I am not coming back to you!
Lat me go! Let me go if you care! Let me vanish to stay happy forever! Why!?
I chose this path and you guys can't make me change the direction!
Sometimes I wonder, where's the happiness I am looking for!

Friends just show corncern! But I need family love! I need that the most!
I don't smile. If I smile in front of my friends there's always a meaning.
It means I've been faking this smile! It's hard to show that I am truely happy.

I've been in a burden to both my families! Yes! I know, I could just end my life right now.
But that's not the way to settle things! No! There's always another way!
And Yes! I want to relax myself and I just want some peace and quiet.

RSJ, please help me. I just don't know what to do as my brain suddenly jam-ed!
I know all this happends for a reason. Am I changing or is it my feelings?
I want all of you guys to be with me! And I want you guys! I am freaking sad and angry!
Time will tell and would show where's the happiness I am looking for!

When They Leave.

At haqim's crib. Maybe not going school today. Haish. Currently bored to death! haish.
IMISSHAQIM!! I miss his jokes, laughter and his MOLE. Haa! Kay, updating for fun cause I am lazy to express what I am feeling lately);
Haish. How I wanna go school without you seating beside me and Zul.
How I miss you so much in class. Miss you!! Miss you!! Bro, be patience aites?
What me and Zul gonna say to our classmates and teachers when they ask bout you?

I can't say a lie. But for you I'll cover for the sake. Come out fast! I wanna talk to you as there's no tomorrow!
Eeeee! Why it gotta be you? Haish. Facing reality again. Why must friends keep on leaving when I need them the most!
Haish. Facing it again and yet again. Lately I need everyone to be beside me.
I need all of you, I want to share stuff like I used to. I want to laugh like I used to.
I want the care and corncern like I used to felt.

But right now, all those are seriously fading. I don't know what I did wrong till friends tried to get out of my life.
Maybe I did something wrong till they want to leave? Maybe. haish. Is it wrong being myself?
I want them back to my life. I want them get back together like we used to. I can't force them.
I respect each and everyone's decision no matter what. Maybe it;'s for the best? Maybe.

I don't share my problems and secrets with just anyone. I share the ones I can trust and who is understanding.
Haish. Lucky I have my 9 years brothers who are always there for me.
When I needed them surely at least 2 or 3 of them are with me.Mostly Zul(:
Thanks for being there guys(: Lately I've been sharing with them. I don't care it's personal or not.
To me I need listening ears that I can share with. They too, share with stuffs with me.
and I am glad to have them in my life(:

RSJ is my heart and soul(: No matter what guys, don't leave me. Treasure me. If you ever try to leave.
I'll get really emotional and I'll be sick. But no matter what, I'll hold on onto you guys and NEVER let go.
You guys are more valuable than DIAMONDS. I always treasure you guys with all my heart.
No matter what happends, I'll always be with you(: